Cotton Clouds Island

These, shall be our adornment.

One of my good friend had a final bachelor night last night, bidding farewell to singlehood and as a pre-celebration to man-woman union for the rest of his life.

I was happy for him, and rushed (almost) to celebrate with him and with a group of my group of good friends as well that were already there making a scene.

My mood was still light and bouncy when we (my partner and I, I mean) reached the groom’s house but was hit like a squash ball to the wall by some derogatory remarks made by a dear friend of mine. The difference between the squash ball and my feelings/mood is the squashball would bounce back and ready to be hit again, while my emotion has stuck to the wall and refused to budge, like a over-chewed chewing gum I guess.

:~~~~(

Am I that super ugly looking or am I that horrendously overweight that I deserve to be condemned whenever I meet these dear friends… The last last time I’ve seen him, he had made the same remarks, in the presence of a lot of familiar people. The last time I’ve met him, he did not mention the ugliness of my overweightness, as there was only both of us. Maybe no one there to support his scorning gua….

To be frank, I had not taken dinner prior to the bachelor night, so was feeling quite hungry and was looking forward to have some light meal at the groom’s place. But the moment he started his derogating remarks, surprisingly I did not feel the hunger pangs anymore. I felt so naked, so disgusted at myself, so timid, so low esteem, that I wish I can run away from the place. My smiles started to fake out and I felt so out of place. I just poke at the food and refused to eat a lot. Even refused to drink a lot.

And he wouldn’t stop. And continuously comment and condemn and call me "Fat Woman" instead of my name. Until I ask him direct in the face, only then he nastily said its a joke and meant for everyone to laugh at it (or ME, the fat woman?) Oh very funny to destroy a girl’s self confidence again and again. He himself was not in perfect shape yet he condemned me, yet I never said a single crude remark regarding his body shape. Why destroy my confidence? I did not do all these to you but why that in return?

This shall be my adornment.

Remember two years ago I had an argument with my mother regarding my pet, Abie? Mother at that moment was still not used to having a pet dog at home and instructed me to give Abie away, much to my agony and pain.

Abie was brought under the care and concern of a good friend of my boyfriend, and he accepted Abie with so much joy and delight, bought good dog food and accessories for Abie’s use. His name is Steven. However, his relationship with Abie was terminated to an early end, as two weeks later, my mother finally realised Abie was part of the family rather than a pest in the house, and persuaded me to fetch Abie back home. Steven was disappointed, as he liked Abie very much but as an act of courtesy he returned my dear dog to me and my family.

Steven was very close to Fei, my boyfriend and as a result, I know him better than most of Fei’s friends. Steven constantly asked about Abie and I had always invited him to come to my house to visit Abie. But he was always too occupied to drop by.

One and a half year later, Steven suddenly showed up in front of my house and greeted me and Fei. A curious and nosy Abie ran to the compound, sniffed the air surrounding Steven, barked ferociously at him but instantly wagged her tail hard and fast when she recalled who Steven was. Steven grinned and said, “I told you Bie will remember me, although 2 weeks was short but I was once her owner too!”.

….

That was the final time we met and talked to Steven. A week later he went to a trip overseas and was met with a horrible accident where a thug stabbed him with a knife several times. He passed away on his way to the hospital. Both Fei and I were devastated to hear the news. He is indeed a warm and nice person, a good friend, and both of us shall miss him dearly.