Happy Occassion Turned Sour - For Me and Not Anyone Else
One of my good friend had a final bachelor night last night, bidding farewell to singlehood and as a pre-celebration to man-woman union for the rest of his life.
I was happy for him, and rushed (almost) to celebrate with him and with a group of my group of good friends as well that were already there making a scene.
My mood was still light and bouncy when we (my partner and I, I mean) reached the groom’s house but was hit like a squash ball to the wall by some derogatory remarks made by a dear friend of mine. The difference between the squash ball and my feelings/mood is the squashball would bounce back and ready to be hit again, while my emotion has stuck to the wall and refused to budge, like a over-chewed chewing gum I guess.
:~~~~(
Am I that super ugly looking or am I that horrendously overweight that I deserve to be condemned whenever I meet these dear friends… The last last time I’ve seen him, he had made the same remarks, in the presence of a lot of familiar people. The last time I’ve met him, he did not mention the ugliness of my overweightness, as there was only both of us. Maybe no one there to support his scorning gua….
To be frank, I had not taken dinner prior to the bachelor night, so was feeling quite hungry and was looking forward to have some light meal at the groom’s place. But the moment he started his derogating remarks, surprisingly I did not feel the hunger pangs anymore. I felt so naked, so disgusted at myself, so timid, so low esteem, that I wish I can run away from the place. My smiles started to fake out and I felt so out of place. I just poke at the food and refused to eat a lot. Even refused to drink a lot.
And he wouldn’t stop. And continuously comment and condemn and call me "Fat Woman" instead of my name. Until I ask him direct in the face, only then he nastily said its a joke and meant for everyone to laugh at it (or ME, the fat woman?) Oh very funny to destroy a girl’s self confidence again and again. He himself was not in perfect shape yet he condemned me, yet I never said a single crude remark regarding his body shape. Why destroy my confidence? I did not do all these to you but why that in return?
